Beauty, brains, personality, availability. Choose any two.

The new guidelines say we should sneeze into our sleeve by placing the inside of our elbow against the mouth. One unmentioned advantage to this method is that it saves one step. By eliminating the need to wipe my hand on my sleeve I've achieved a labor savings of 50%.

Anybody else think it's more than coincidence that at least two of the networks (NBC and CBS) did stories tonight on melting glaciers? NBC went to Peru and CBS covered Greenland.

I have no doubt that global climate change is real. Not exactly surprising. According to the scientists the glaciers have been advancing and retreating for billions of years. We were told the Great Lakes were formed by retreating (i.e., melting) glaciers. What a growing number of us question is the role human activity plays in the current shifts.

Don't confuse that skepticism with opposition to energy conservation. I think cars that get better mileage, more efficient HVAC systems and alternative energy sources make great sense. Fossil fuels exist in a finite supply, too much of which is controlled by people who feel no sympathy for democracies and free market systems. To the extent that solar panels and wind turbines free us from dependency on foreign governments and strengthen our economy we should pursue them. But as the emails snagged from the U.K. a couple of weeks ago suggest, there seems to exist what can be fairly called a conspiracy among the very people who claim to trade only in objective data honestly presented. They have decreed it is our fault and we can turn it all around.
The dinosaurs beg to differ.

We had a storm blow through last night, with winds in the 60 mph range and 2" of rain. One of the guys at church was looking for a chain saw this morning so he could cut up the 30' tree that came down at their place. I suggested he rent one from Home Depot, and that doing so punched his man card for the month.

That got me to thinking. We need a clear and objective list of what does and does not punch a man card, how long said punch remains valid and what kinds of things forfeit a man card for a specified period of time.

For example, I propose that:

• Any use of a power tool generates a one-month punch. (No kitchen appliances, including espresso machines, count as power tools.)
  
• Any work on a vehicle generates a one-month punch. Checking fluid levels is good for one week.
• Competing in an organized sporting event is good for one month. An aerobic workout of at least 30 minutes is good for a week.
  
• Killing and eating your own food brings a six month validation. Fishing qualifies, but only for two months. (Fish don't bleed.)
  
• Purchasing a tool is good for a week.
  

You get the idea.
Things that bring a suspension of your man card include:

• Drinking anything that comes with a little umbrella or twist of fruit in the glass (two weeks).
• Holding your wife's purse in public (one week).
• Consciously coordinating your socks with any other part of your wardrobe (one week).
• Reading E!, US, People, or any other magazine devoted to celebrity gossip. If more than one third of the advertisements are for beauty related products it is a strictly prohibited publication (one month! and it better not happen again).
  

If you have other submissions for either category please feel free to submit them. If we get enough examples we submit a proposal to President Obama to fund a full-blown project funded through the Recovery Act.
This has legs, folks.