Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.

MDF makes a lot of dust when cut. A very fine, tan dust that gets into everything, including the engine compartment of the Volkswagen Beetle also in the garage.
Tomorrow I'll use a round-over bit to soften the edges and then paint. New drawer fronts installed by the weekend.

Give me fresh air, a beautiful partner and a round of golf, and you can keep the fresh air and the round of golf.

Husbands now have what will henceforth be known as the Ray LaHood defense. Say something incredibly stupid? As soon as ninety minutes later you just say, "What I meant to say, what I thought I said, was...." You then go on to say something completely different than what got you in trouble earlier.
That's easy.

A local elementary school principal has been banished to a back cubicle at the district headquarters for an email letter he wrote. It was satire intended for one teacher who had just dealt with a difficult parent. For reasons not entirely clear at this point in the investigation a second grade teacher sent it home to the parents of her students. Some of them were bothered by the letter.
The "letter to parents" read:

Dear Parents,

Turn off the TV for once and pay attention.

Regarding Math:
The math we do is really easy. If your child is either too lazy or too stupid to finish it in class, I'm sending it home so that you can work with them and judge for yourself whether it is laziness or idiocy that inhibits your child's progress. We do part of it in class. How on earth they can NOT finish it is beyond me, but please help them with the part that we do NOT do in class. If your child is one of the mediocre few who excels on the homework, please congratulate them with a warm handshake or perhaps a halfhearted high-five, since finishing this homework is the equivalent of a twenty-year-old wanting to be congratulated for knowing how to tie his shoes.

Regarding Field Trip Lunches:
We have a peanut allergy in our room and a few in second grade in general. Because of this, everyone must eat nut-free foods. We also have a child who is mourning their puppy who got run over last week by a garbage truck, so we ask that no one wear anything resembling puppy fur, or that is red and flat. Further, one of our students has a nervous tick that causes him to slap himself in the face several times a minute. In order to help this child not feel conspicuous, we ask that your child imitate a crazed masochist for the length of the field trip.